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19-Jul-2014 21:58

It’s a marketing tactic meant to give women a sense of order in their lives, akin to Marie Kondo’s teachings on “decluttering.” The cleanest, best-lighted place Witt finds is One Taste, a San Francisco company specializing in “orgasmic meditation.” At an open house at the organization’s headquarters, a man and a woman projecting “the human neutrality of an Apple store or ” lead a group of visitors in the sort of ice-breaker games that recall college orientation, mildly spiked with eros.Going around a circle, participants describe their “red hot desire”; one after another, they agree to sit in the “hot seat” and answer questions posed to them by their fellows, who are instructed to limit all responses to “thank you.” Eye contact is encouraged.Monogamy, she felt, would be all the more satisfying for being obviously traditional, a path she could see as a “destiny rather than a choice.” She was tired of choosing. Without the pressure of emotional commitment, Witt was free to do what she liked sexually, but she had little use for a freedom she had already decided to give up.Better, she thought, to fall in love with one person and have sex with him for the foreseeable future. Maybe the problem had to do with a failure of imagination.

Will your sanity be intact at the end of this interrogation?Sexual freedom can be put to more interesting uses than sleeping with your friends.Those of us born in the nineteen-eighties belong to the first generation whose experience of pornography comes almost exclusively from the Internet, which, Witt points out, constitutes “the most comprehensive visual repository of sexual fantasy in human history.” Never before has such a wide variety of sexual preferences and behaviors enjoyed such social sanction, or been so easy to explore by typing a few words into a search engine in the privacy and the safety of one’s own home. “The answers its algorithms harvested assured each person of the presence of the like-minded: no one need be alone with her aberrant desires, and no desires were aberrant,” Witt writes.Witt found that she often couldn’t discuss sex with her Ok Cupid prospects. When Witt was using Ok Cupid, she felt that “the right to avoid the subject of sex was structurally embedded” in the site.

Feminist sex-toy shops long ago discovered that women prefer to buy dildos and vibrators if they are displayed like Brancusi sculptures, the kind of objet d’art that you might find on a coffee table at West Elm rather than at an XXX peepshow den in pre-Giuliani Times Square.

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